After Lost & Found: Caroline's Story

How do you miss a ruptured appendix that probably burst 24-48 hours before you see the signs? How do astute, concerned, attentive parents miss all of that and allow a child to become just so ill?

If you've read Lost & Found, you know that's exactly what happened. There is a back-story that includes all nine of the rest of us down with some sort of hellacious stomach bug that had us vomiting in stages and running the washing machine for four days straight. When I mention this to health care professionals, they respond with a knowing "Ahhhhhhh", which makes me feel slightly better as a mom.

Slightly.

Caroline is now 15 years old, and she hears me tell her story often enough. She remembers feeling so sick she lacked the will, even at eight years old, to muster play time or television viewing. She recalls long nights in the hospital, intubation, her dad trying to get her to breathe through the measuring tools, and painful walks around the ICU that shot bolts of misery into her abdomen, even as nursing staff and doctors insisted it couldn't be "that bad".

It was that bad.

Post-Surgery #1

Ruptured appendices don't play well with the rest of the body. The infection can spread quickly and disturb every other organ, and they also tend to leave permanent effects. In Caroline's case, that means she'll likely have fertility problems. We are thankful to live in a time when medical care is of the highest quality in history and advancement is occurring at breakneck speed, and we look forward to seeing what can possibly be done to help.

We also live in a state of dependence on God, and stories from other female ruptured appendix survivors tell us that she perhaps will have to go the route of adoption instead of carrying her own biological children. There is sorrow in that, but also a sense of joy and wonder that some little people out there could be given to our sweet Caroline to raise. God is good, all the time.

In the meantime, Caroline is the girl with the golden voice. She sings in school productions, the local opera company, and on the worship team at church. She babysits, organizes circles around Martha Stewart, and enjoys close friendships. She has a future ahead of her designed by the God who loves her. 

Want to read more of Caroline's story? Pick up a copy of Lost & Found: Losing Religion, Finding Grace.

Caroline with little brother Christian, December 2016

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After Lost & Found: Annesley's Story

Truly, there are few things that could rattle us as parents more than running over our own child. The day that I ran over Annesley in our 12-passenger van in our driveway is one of the worst of my life, if not the worst. Really, how does that happen?

When I was writing Lost & Found, this is the chapter that nearly did me in. I cried, I prayed, I groped for the words to clearly illustrate the raging emotions tormenting my heart, I wrestled with God. I don't ever want to have to write that story again.

I lived with such terrible guilt and fear after that incident. God did a formidable work in my life, but what has the outcome been for Annesley?

Annesley is 13 years old now. She sings and performs in a choir and on the youth group worship team. She loves children and told me today that she wants to be a nanny. She is cheerful, creative, and a good friend. She also starts high school in the fall.

When I tell our story to an audience, hers is the narrative that elicits an audible gasp, and I think that's simply because every parent fears that we cannot protect our children from accidents like this one, but I assume it's also because most people jump to the worst possible outcome in their heads. Annesley didn't die. In fact, of the three harrowing stories told in Lost & Found, hers is the one that doesn't have permanent ramifications. 

Tiny girl in a tiny wheelchair. January, 2009

Except in her heart. She tells her story, too. She tells it with gratitude and awe that God saved her, and dare she believe that He saved her for a purpose? Yes, because we all can believe that of our own stories. Our lives here? They aren't useless, even if no one ever writes a book about us. Our stories are written by the God who loves us so very deeply, nothing we can write into our own personal histories is ever beyond the improbable scope of His grace and mercy.

Sisters, December 2016

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After Lost & Found: Mighty Joe's Story

Let's start with Mighty Joe, the baby I found in a coma at the beginning of Lost and Found: Losing Religion, Finding Grace.

Joe will be 9 years old in May. 

Life with Joe is not easy. There is no "off" button. He's perpetually impulsive, impossibly loud, consistently unpredictable, and prone to the regular meltdown. He sits on a ball at the dinner table, smells everything new to him, and packs his blankie in his backpack to school.

If you recall, Joe has six actual holes in his brain, but the two that seem to affect him the most at the moment are the bilateral holes in his frontal lobes. They affect his executive function ability (how the brain organizes all incoming information), seizure activity, and impulsivity. Joe could sit on his hands all day long but those holes in his frontal lobes are going to make those little hands dart out and grab something he shouldn't at any moment. It's hard to be Joe.

But Joe is a marvelous miracle. Someone once told us he isn't, that Biblical miracles aren't that. Whatever. Pick a different word. Joe is a continual tear-inducing wonderment. Will that work? Because Joe has no brain matter in his occipital lobe, and yet he sees. He can't process what he sees at 100%, but he sees. And he rides a bike, jumps off the diving board, and plays baseball on a team for kids like him. He also reads. 

His future is punctuated by a giant question mark. He likely won't live independently. He needs us to be his missing executive function. He lately has so many odd questions about God and Jesus and I can't make him understand even the basic gospel, but that's quite alright. God made Joe, God loves Joe, and God will never leave nor forsake Joe. 

Joe in the PICU, day 2. 

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